This is an emergency..

2006-11-01T18:11:00.000-08:00

**bip bip**

**bip bip**

**bip bip**

"Doctor, will he make it?"

**bip bip**

"Hmm... Its too early to tell, sir"

"I mean.. could boredom ever lead to death?"

"I'm familiar with the literal phrase, but never knew a medical condition of this sort ever existed. This is very strange."

"Strange? Far from it, doctor. All you had asked was a few hours every week but the patient neglected the routine altogether. This is a case of lethargy and ineptitude killing the cat."

"Hmm.. Strange. wasn't it curiosity that killed the cat?"

"Oh! Will you cut it out, doctor? Do something apart from looking serious. Operate the boy or somethi..."

Aaaaauuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!

"Ssssssh. i think the patient's regaining conciousness. Pass me the hammer. One more swift stroke should do the trick."

THUD!

"Ouch. That had to hurt."

If there is anything i'm proud of...

2006-05-07T03:41:00.000-07:00

... then this has to be it.

Many long summers ago, six to be precise, there was this kid who found that his Sanskrit Lecturer was really a jackass in disguise. As others prepared studiously for their half-yearly exams, this kid thought he might as well play a game of "Who'se wasted now?" with the elderly scholar. And as i inaugurate my (yet another) new blog, here's an ode to the one thing that i will always be proud of. My first year's Sanksrit papers.

Here's a quick intro before we move to the main segment. In Dec '99 and Feb '00 I had to appear for two sets of exams at my junior college. Predictably like any other hair-brained Hyderabadi adolscent I was preparing for IIT-JEE and was being coached by Whatsitsnamenow Study Circle. Demented and distraught that I already was by then, these squirrel-fodder of examinations proved to be a relief. It gave me my only chance to vent out all the creative juices that were busy rotting inside. The next few scanned images are the product of my experiments with the bitter truth. Enjoy :)

***
Our Sanskrit paper was of 100 marks of which two essay questions were mandatory for all students. These two essay questions dealt with the story of the chapters and students were required to quote Sanskrit verses verbatim for extra points. If that wasn't possible, you could either fill up 4 pages in English and write AS MUCH POSSIBLE. The keywords that stuck in my mind were "AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE". Therefore with my limited mental power, i wrote AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I gave it a trial run during my half-yearly and went the whole hog for the per-finals.

Here's page 1. The areas in green are the highlights worth reading out and imagining. Keep a look out for where Murali Krishna Sir has ticked the answer "right" :

and the story of Dhruva continues in Page 2 :

We end with Dhruva's tragic story in page 3 where the plot reaches its logical end :

So the next answer cometh. "Charudatta Charitam" is a story of a husband who seems to have got screwed from both ends... or something to that effect. In the same month however, there was something that shook the nation so badly that it spilled straight in Mr. Murali Krishna's paper. Poor man. Always paying the price for what he never did !

When i recieved the answer scripts, i could hardly conceal my joy. My fellow classmates wer bewildered. What could possibly be the reason for this boy to be so estatic about a meagre 43%?
In any case, i had tested the waters and it seemed fine for a good swim. So here we dive straight to the Pre-final paper.

To my utmost delight, Question 1 is once again Dhruvapakyanam!! You may have to excuse me for the quality of the scan. Bad archival and my general callousness with paper are the prime reasons.

That only got me started and I genuinely started to feel glad about farting around. Page 2 only got better. One thing that i may have to add is that I followed one fundamental rule while writing the answer. The whole page has to be as neat as possible without any scratches and blots. If it were to attract his attention, who knows, the old turkey may actually READ the answer-script for a change??

After two pages, I actually visualised myself as dancing clown in front of the strict Murali Krishna with a one-way mirror between us. I was shouting abuses hoarse but he didn't seem to twitch a muscle. I began to enjoy this conversation. In fact, look, I ended up addressing him!

At 16 years of age, the hottest thing then seemed to be an out-of-work 42 year old actress whose magnum opus was a cussword back in school. So her reference broke all bonds of decency. And I was savouring it all. Here's page 5 and this is definetly the reason for my blog. Kindly do pass this post's link around and tell junior college kids that studying always never pays up. Sometimes being the brat helps in gaining a lot of popularity as well. Anarchy Forever!!

... and the assault continues in Page 6:

So that was the final straw. I should have ended it there and submitted the exam form. However, without attempting the rest of the question paper, the probability of him checking the answer only increases. Or does it? Nobody gives a rat's ass now, but sitting in the exam-room with a bunch of bespectacled nerds as company, I proceeded with the rest of the questions. But check out my marks at the end.

There we have it - The Crackednut managed to show the finger to those useless bastards after all.

Hmmppph... IIT coaching, my balls!

Didn't ya read what it said?

2006-04-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

Keep waiting.

Atchooo!

This is an emergency..

If there is anything i'm proud of...

Didn't ya read what it said?